Hi Team Stony Tennis
I recently wrote an article on unforced errors and someone replied about how the information was useful and expressed their disappointment when they don’t hit a perfect shot.
I’ve got news for you….nothing is perfect!
Perfectionists are always disappointed because their expectations are never met. This leads to being unsatisfied and unhappy. Personally I don’t want any of my kids to be perfectionists but I’d like them to have high standards.
The world is imperfect and turbulent, with things changing all the time and we can’t control them. Being content and happy is far more important than being perfect, so how do we help our children to achieve this?
We have to start with their environment, starting at home. The way you talk to your child and express yourself is paramount. If you show upset or disappointment when things are wrong, they will copy. Rather than seeing errors and problems, they must see them as challenges because there’s no point making yourself feel bad when you don’t have to. Naturally we want things to go well and without issues but that’s not the reality. We have to show ways to manage the reality as we don’t live in a story book.
Secondly, the school environment will have a great impact. School is amazing as you have to constantly challenge yourself against the social battlefield with power, status and emotions all attached. When your child comes home and says they’ve had a bad day because someone has been mean to them, then don’t pour pity on them as you’ll make them feel like a victim which is not what you want. Seize the opportunity! This is a chance for them to understand why and how they can cope going forwards e.g. Tell a member of staff, learn to stand up for themselves etc.
Finally, the tennis court! Tennis is a gladiatorial sport with competitors fighting to the death (end of the match!). One wins, one loses. That’s it….not one is rubbish and one is good. This is why I believe tennis is the ultimate sport for life as it changes all the time and there’s nowhere to hide. The wind, the opponent, the court surface and so on, can all change. Someone wins and loses every point. How long is a tennis match? Who knows? Now can you image being a perfectionist in these conditions? I think they would go crazy!!!
We have to teach the kids how to manage and accept change and adversity because it’s constantly happening around us which can be hard for those who want to over protect because their child is upset. This is where we as parents have to do the best by our kids and understand that feeling sad isn’t bad as it’s the only way you can learn how to deal with it and the more times they’re sad, the better they’ll get at turning it around. I don’t like seeing my kids sad but I know it’s part of life, so if I can help them to tackle the difficult stuff they’ll be set for life.
So when you see that kid cheating your child in a match, thank the other child for giving your kid the opportunity to become stronger. We don’t like it, but if they learn these lessons in a safe environment of a tennis court, they’ll apply it when it really matters in their work and relationships as an adult.
On Tuesday 12th March at 9pm, I’ll be hosting a free workshop for Parents to discuss this topic and emotional control in kids. To join me, please click here to sign up to the Team Stony Parents Club.
It would also be great to get your thoughts on this article as I love this debate which brings up so many other considerations.
Happy tennising!
John Cavill
Director of Tennis
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